Girl, Stop Your Crying
When being invited to the wedding is just not enough.
If you cannot tell this blog is inspired by the #bossbabe Rachel Hollis. Rachel Hollis is my idol! She has the life I have always imagined, and I am so thankful to be able to look to her as a role model (even though she has no idea who I am), and a trailblazer for female entrepreneurs. Rachel Hollis has the ability to tell women exactly what we need to hear even when it is a tough reality.
Today I want to talk about women and not being asked to be a bridesmaid. If there is one continual stressor in all the brides, I have ever worked with, it is choosing who will be a bridesmaid in their wedding. I constantly hear brides say the following:
I love her, but I just don’t have room for her
If I choose Sally Jo then I have to ask Mary Claire and Susan and now my party has 13 people in it.
I have more bridesmaids than my fiancé has groomsmen.
We have been friends since we were 6, but have not spoken in more than a year
Paula Claire will assume that she is a bridesmaid, but I only want 3 bridesmaids.
I will be the first to admit I have been devastated by the news that my close friend Clare did not choose me to be a bridesmaid. Clare was my first close friend to get married, she was a sort of a big sister to me in college. We were in the same Bible Study, did youth ministry together, and hung out almost every day. Also, her now husband and she were kind enough to let me third wheel to several different events, so I was not a #sadsingle.
When the big day came and Ryan popped the question I was so excited for her and could not wait to jump in as a bridesmaid and help her plan the wedding of her dreams. The only issue was Clare never asked me to be a bridesmaid. When I found out she had asked 2 over our other close friends to be a bridesmaid and I was never asked I was flooded with sadness, rejection, and insecurities. I questioned for a couple weeks, “was I not as great of a friend as I thought I was?” “ was I more a burden than a friend to Clare?”. I casually avoided Clare for a couple weeks and then the inevitable happened. Clare heard I was upset, and she had to tell me that she just did not have enough space in her bridal party to fill it with everyone she loved.
Looking back now as a wedding planner I could not be more embarrassed. I was selfish, I was naïve, and I was not understanding. CLARE was the one getting married, not me. The wedding was CLARE’s big day—not mine. I added to Clare’s stress when it came to HER day. Looking back, I know how much Clare loves me and I now know the amount of stress she was under when choosing bridesmaids.
Sis, if you truly love the gal that is getting married and you believe that you are important enough to stand next to her on her big day then you will be Womanly enough to suck it up and understand that you are not a bridesmaid. This wedding is not about you! It is about your friend. I can guarantee that she has stressed an agonized over who she would choose to be a bridesmaid longer than you have known she was engaged.
Ladies, please remember this is HER wedding, not yours. Do not make any part of this day or process about you. You will have or have had your day. Now it is her day. If she wants to have an avocado-flavored wedding cake or purple hair for her wedding; you need to support, her in her decision 100%. This is a day that will go down in history for her. She will remember almost every moment possible. I can assure you that you do not want her to remember that you threw a fit about the awful catering or the fact that you wanted to be in her bridal party. You want your friend to remember that you were the person that supported her no matter how crazy of an idea she had. You want her to remember that you were the one that kept your head high and helped out when something went array and you did it with a smile because you knew it would make her happy. You want her to remember that you made the day about her and her fiancé and their love.
I cannot thank Clare enough for loving me through my selfish moments. I love her even more now than I did when she was getting married. She treated me with such understanding and love. Subscribe to our blog to be notified when my next blog comes out. It will be about how to handle choosing your bridesmaids, how to talk to your besties that will not be a bridesmaid, and how to be a classy and elegant bride to be when faced with opposition from other regarding your bridal party.